Beginnings demand intention. Continuing requires capacity, including internal resourcefulness. Imagine this, you are in the shower and you suddenly remember the important email you never sent, or you are settling into your sleep, and the unfinished project taps you on the shoulder. There can be a restlessness that accompanies incompletion, as though something in us is still waiting for an ending.
This phenomenon is known as the Zeigarnik Effect, named after Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik, whose research found that our brains retain incomplete tasks more strongly than completed ones. It has given rise to the idea of ‘open loops’ in our brains, which helps us understand why unfinished business can continue to occupy our mental space.
Incompletion is not always about an email, a project or a task. It could also be about a qualification one started but did not complete, an intention to write a book, which never saw the light of day, an abandoned business idea, or a dream that gets repeatedly postponed. Sometimes, incompletion becomes a pattern.
Beginnings often carry tremendous energy. A new postgraduate student may begin the year with decisiveness, intentionality and vivid images of graduation. This connects with messages we get to ‘just start’, —and rightly so. Yet we often give less attention to what happens in the middle of the journey, when excitement gives way to fatigue, self-doubt, competing demands and unexpected life events.
When we repeatedly begin things without completing them, the consequences can impact our self-image. Continuous incompletion can gradually affect our confidence in our ability to follow through on our own intentions. Self-doubt might set in; we could easily believe that we are not cut out for this. This is where another dimension of incompletion can set in, self-abandonment.
Self-abandonment is not always dramatic. It is sometimes, the repeated act of turning away from our needs, our aspirations, our creativity, our values and the things that give our lives meaning. We may deeply want to do something, but somewhere along the way fear, overwhelm, perfectionism or the needs of others take precedence. And so, once again, we put ourselves aside.
When this happens repeatedly, incompletion becomes more than an unfinished task, it becomes a pattern of abandoning something that matters to us, and, in the process, abandoning a part of ourselves. Not everything we abandon is meant to be completed. Sometimes walking away is wisdom. Sometimes something is no longer aligned with who we are becoming, and completion means having the courage to release it.
This is why completion is not simply about productivity. Completing something meaningful can become an act of self-reclamation—a way of saying, ‘I matter enough to myself to see this through.’
But again, self-reclamation does not mean completing everything we start. Completion sometimes, requires discernment and discretion. One way of minimising incompletion is to become more intentional about what we say yes to. Sometimes, we commit from guilt, excitement, obligation or fear of disappointing others without honestly considering our capacity. Every yes that exceeds our capacity can become another unfinished loop. We therefore need to give ourselves permission to say no, renegotiate, or sometimes to let go.
Some projects will remain unfinished. Some emails will never be sent. Some relationships will end without the closure we hoped for. Some dreams will change. This is part of being human. The invitation is not to complete everything.
It is to become more conscious of what we leave unfinished - and why.
What have I repeatedly abandoned that still matters to me?
Where have I stopped showing up for myself?
What am I carrying that was never mine to carry?
What needs perseverance, and what needs release?
And what would it look like to begin showing up for myself again?
Sometimes closing a loop brings relief. And sometimes, closing the loop means finally choosing ourselves.